I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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