i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Buhtt sex?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
