so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My breasts were aching with rage.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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