I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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