I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
