My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
How naked do you want me to be?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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