I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
