First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
