he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My life is pants optional.
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