His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
