I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
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Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
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im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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