i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
