Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I could make wine with my vomit
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Is Oprah even human
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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