how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
