Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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