We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
