I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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