is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
