so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
