I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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