Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
