hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
