It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
