I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
