My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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