I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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