is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
