the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
you never un-have a 4some
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
