I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
