You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
so much tequila, so little girl.
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