he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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