It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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