That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
