What a fucking waste of an outfit
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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