i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
