First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
