No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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