??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
