Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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