ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
