textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
