U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
