took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
being pregnant is like rehab
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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