Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
