I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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