it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
