There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
