looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
