I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
