remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
