you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
