Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
