I cockslap morals
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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