he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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