Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
