Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
