just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Did I show you my penis last night?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
