Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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