We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
