So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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